Tuesday, January 1, 2013

What I have

New Year's.  I've listened (and watched on FB) as people have posted resolutions, talked parties, outfits, drinking, plans, who to kiss, etc.  I've remembered the CRAZY parties my parents used to throw and some of the ones I attended with friends as I got older.

And then I look at us today. Got up with my kids after a playroom camp-out, lazed around, made breakfast, went off to an Open Gym, went to a friend's party where the most activity I had was to keep my kiddos in check, came home at 10:30 to rescue our dogs from fire works and rang in the New Year quietly on the couch with just 3 people - my husband and two kids. After the ball drop, we all crawled into our huge bed for a bit, giggling and listening to the booms and then put the kids in their own bed.  Now, here I am, writing.

So many people my age are either partying like crazy or bemoaning/laughing at how "old" and tame they are with their quiet New Year.  But here's the thing... I LOVED my New Year.  Loved it.  And I know why.  It's what I have.

I have an amazing husband who has ridden through some beautiful roads and harsh bumps with me for 16 years.  I have a funny, goofy, smart, sensitive son who thinks I'm beautiful enough to pull off the leather pants Taylor Swift was wearing on stage tonight (so he said).  I have a wild, uninhibited, creative, smart daughter who capped the night off with the fabulous quote, "Dad, quit PISSING ME OFF!'  (I keep promising myself I will switch to swearing in Dutch so these "oops" mom moments will taper off).  There is no drink, no party, no outfit, no resolution, no diet, no outfit in the world that can give me more than what I already have.

I'm 8 months and closing from turning 40.  I'm not in the shape I want to be, but I'm getting there.  I'm not the calm mom I want to be, but I'm trying.  I still want to be published.  I still want to run a marathon (or at least a half marathon), but I have an arthritic knee and Osgood-Schlatters in the other knee.  I want to learn to be more socially comfortable.  I want to be a better friend, wife and mother.  But I'm not going to make resolutions about it.  I'm not going to be sad, or wistful, or beat myself up over what I DON'T have. 

Because what I have is amazing.  My life, my husband, my kids, old friends I've connected with and new friends I've found... it's all amazing.  Too many times I forget that and just worry about how to be perfect.  I worry about my failures.  But today of all days, I was able to truly just love what I have, what I've done and where I am.

So I don't have a resolution really.  I just want to keep moving, keep trying, keep growing and keep learning.  I want my life to keep writing its story in lines on my face.  I want to get in shape because it gives me the energy to be with my loved ones... not to look good in pictures, not to look skinny in an outfit, but so that I can practice baseball and football with my son and gymnastics and soccer with my daughter.  I want to be more socially comfortable, not so I can have tons of friends, but so that I might teach my kiddos how to be themselves and reach out to others.  I want to keep going because what I have is too amazing to let pass me by.

Happy 2013 everyone.  Look around at your treasures.  Collect only the ones worth collecting this year.  Don't worry what everyone thinks of you (like I told my son when his buddies commented about his painted nails).  Be crazy, mess up, try again, apologize, grow, do something new, reach out to someone before you're stuck only WISHING you had, and hug people with reckless abandon (like my daughter does).  Life is too short for awkward hugs, popularity contests, regret, and keeping up with the Joneses. Fly your freak flag and love everyone like it's your last day on Earth.  Let your boys paint their nails or wear dresses.  Let your girls have power tools and play tackle football.  Wear your hair, even at 39, in Princess Leia buns like I have for the past two days.  Wear something no one else would just because YOU like it.  Write down your stories, finger paint with your kids, and dance (as my hubby often does) in public places like the super market, without caring what others think.  Dress like a princess if your kid wants you too, even in public.  Make horrible blaster noises and sing in the car because it makes your kid laugh.

Mike, William and Elizabeth.  My 3 biggest treasures.  And so many more than I can name in the form of parents, nieces, nephews, siblings and friends.  Happy New Year.  My 2013 is already full of treasures.

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